i told you all id be back...

well i have had alot on my mind today, this week i had some bad news i have had a hard time dealing with it but i am sure in time things will be different sooner or later.. i just need to get around it and actually put my mind on something else...

also i have had a hard time dealing with some other things in life like some of the friends that i have... they seem to make my life a little difficult at times.. and basically im not exactly sure how to deal with it... i believe that these feelings i have towards these people are very clouded.. see things are complicated..

i have one best friend who i love with all my heart and she is the one and only person i trust in the world.. for the last year we have done nothing but fight and im not entirely sure why and i believe that honestly we r growing apart and it hurts because i dont want us to grow apart.. i really want to fix things but im not sure how to.. i feel like i shouldnt have any friends because im not worthy of having friends because everytime i have a friend thats close to me they always seem to slip away and i want to change it and im really not sure wat to do.. so if anyone can help me understand this or even tell me wat to do please feel free to leave some comments or suggestions....

thanks
xoxo

january 15th 2011

it has been months weeks and days since i have written on this blog thing.. in the months weeks and days that have passed i have made new friends,had some heart break and now im going thru something that i dnt think anyone will understand; why because i dnt even understand it... i think it is a dark place because every night i lay down i just start crying.. i am not really sure why but i think i need to find out why! i am also going thru a rough time with a friend someone who i called my best friend it seems like we are growing apart... there i said it we are growing apart.. it is hard to say or even come to terms with but lately ive been feeling that i need to just focus on me and if people want to be my friend then here i am.. honestly i have alot to offer the world my friends and my family... recently i found out that my recent school endever has been put to a hult and i am not able to go back to school for this whole semester.. really a whole semester.. like this was something i wanted to do for me.. for me so that i could prove to everyone and that i was actually doing something with my life proving to everyone that im a bigger and better person and im going somewhere in life.. all things aside i beleive that im off topic now so for all those readers.. ill be back later with another up date!
xoxo