its almost midnight and ive had some sudden thoughts, thoughts that hve been on my mind for the past 3 weeks, thoughts and feelings i thought that i would never ever feel again... although some of these thoughts are clouded i am not sure wat exactly to do... i mean 2 years ago i would of never thought twice to loving this person ever again, but now 2 years later i am faced with the decision again to love or to move on...
i am truly at a fork in the road, i mean when we first met it was all fun and games, but believe me those fun and games did come with the usual fights and the obvious making up... but i mean those were the greatest memories i have of this person...
i mean this person i have to say broke my heart, he broke it into a million little pieces, which i never actually thought i would b able to have fixed again by anyone again... my heart is now mended it took a little over a year to actually be able to not think of this person, i mean this person should really have a name but i want this person to remain nameless... once the year past i had the unfortunate experience of seeing this person again, for the first time after that day we ended those times of fun and games... we just talked and it was awkward dnt get me wrong, i walked away with a big smile on my face, why u ask after this person broke my heart it was because i got my closure but it wasnt full closure,
closure didnt come until this past few weeks, i mean it took a while, this person had a lot of growing up to do, he is a little bit older then i am, but he had hurt me and he did have a slight violent streak... so to me on this first meeting again, made me felt wow this person has changed but i mean u cant just take the person back right away after the things i experienced and felt during the time of fun and games.. the actually feeling of closure was when this person apologised to me, for leaving me 2 years ago and for all the hurt and pain he made me feel, that meant alot to me as i had been waiting 2 years to hear those words and that apology.
after hearing that apology, once we talked, the person then looked at me and said "do u want to give us another shot......" i just looked at this person and had my eyes wide open with shock, i looked at that person and said i needed to think about it, cus i mean if i was going to look at them and say "yes, i am ready to let u in" then that would mean he would b coming into my life again for free, without working for it.. so for the following weeks to now, i have talked time and time again to this person about my feelings and about my thoughts regarding us and our future... this person seemed to understand that i had grown up and moved on with life and although my life isnt the greatest, i would like to do me and not give 90% to someone who basically left me, i need to only give this person 10% and do me with the other 90%.. i mean i am currtenly enrolled in college i start in may and that is my number 1 proirity and the only thing on my mind.. i am gettting a little distracted but back to the blog at hand...
so this past weekend this person and i hung out, had supper.. i decided to have this person over for dinner since this past weekend was his birthday.. as his friend i wanted to do something nice for him.. this next little bit, i am not sure how to say.. but things btwn me and this person got heated..
i tried and tried my hardest not to let things get heated btwn me and him because i wanted us to b friends, friends because that was something that him and i were never friends in the beginning of the fun and games.. i have to say that i tried but sometimes things just happen...
since things were heated btwn me n this person i have not had a phone call or heard anything from this person.. i know everyone reading is probably saying, that he used me but there could b other underlying circumstances in which we havent talked.. but who really knows... if anyone knows wat to do about it, please leave comments..
one question lastly.. is it possible to b friends with someone who you once loved..??
xo
ox
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bloggers Block....
i really want to blog some thoughts but of course i have wat u can say, writers block, excpet now this is bloggers block!!
hopefully i will sleep alright tonight and have some more interesting thoughts in the am..
night all
xoxoxooxo
hopefully i will sleep alright tonight and have some more interesting thoughts in the am..
night all
xoxoxooxo
Weight Loss... The Constant Struggle....
today i have decided to blog about my weight loss batal.. i mean it has been something i have been struggling with for over the last year or 2
i mean i actually started to get serious about it this past september as i made a trip to england to visit family, before i left for my journey i was introduced to WW, as my best friend Amanda and her mom are members, who shared some very inciteful information with me and helped me with my journey a little more...
the reason why i started to do the point system was because i realised that i needed to start eating properly and also needed to loose some weight.. i also had a bigger reason to loose weight and that was my cousins wedding that was coming up in october when we got back from england, i mean i was soo good when i was in england, although it sounds bad they have loads and loads of delicious foods and extremely amazing baked goods... i have to say that i indulged in all of the above but i was always tracking the foods i ate and tried to keep track of all the foods i ate
basically.. wat im tryin to get at is that ive fallen off the wagon and need some help with my weight loss, i keep tellin myself tht i will cut out junk and wont buy chips, dip, cookies, but i mean it is hard to just cut those items completely out of ur life, i want to start again in march i mean it is only like wat 6 days away, that means only 6 more days of pigging out and eating like shit....
i really want to start making the change and eating properly, i want to make a change and show ppl that i can do it...
my other struggle is the fact taht i dnt exercise and i dnt do it ever!! i love walking, and i mean love it.. if i could walk everywhere i could but then ill admit if it is far i will ask for a ride or take the bus.. i kno u are all thinking LAZY!! i think that all the time but some places arent even walkable.. i also like doing some exercises, i mean joining a gym is great, i would love to, i think i am going to join one eventually one day... that equals when i have $$, yes money... i dnt have moeny right now hence no gym membership!! the money situatiion is another BLOG and i mean that would take time... lol....
so starting monday march 1st 2010 i will b tracking the foods i eat and i will try and exercise.... if anyone wants to help me with this feel free to post comments and tips...
xoxoxo
i mean i actually started to get serious about it this past september as i made a trip to england to visit family, before i left for my journey i was introduced to WW, as my best friend Amanda and her mom are members, who shared some very inciteful information with me and helped me with my journey a little more...
the reason why i started to do the point system was because i realised that i needed to start eating properly and also needed to loose some weight.. i also had a bigger reason to loose weight and that was my cousins wedding that was coming up in october when we got back from england, i mean i was soo good when i was in england, although it sounds bad they have loads and loads of delicious foods and extremely amazing baked goods... i have to say that i indulged in all of the above but i was always tracking the foods i ate and tried to keep track of all the foods i ate
basically.. wat im tryin to get at is that ive fallen off the wagon and need some help with my weight loss, i keep tellin myself tht i will cut out junk and wont buy chips, dip, cookies, but i mean it is hard to just cut those items completely out of ur life, i want to start again in march i mean it is only like wat 6 days away, that means only 6 more days of pigging out and eating like shit....
i really want to start making the change and eating properly, i want to make a change and show ppl that i can do it...
my other struggle is the fact taht i dnt exercise and i dnt do it ever!! i love walking, and i mean love it.. if i could walk everywhere i could but then ill admit if it is far i will ask for a ride or take the bus.. i kno u are all thinking LAZY!! i think that all the time but some places arent even walkable.. i also like doing some exercises, i mean joining a gym is great, i would love to, i think i am going to join one eventually one day... that equals when i have $$, yes money... i dnt have moeny right now hence no gym membership!! the money situatiion is another BLOG and i mean that would take time... lol....
so starting monday march 1st 2010 i will b tracking the foods i eat and i will try and exercise.... if anyone wants to help me with this feel free to post comments and tips...
xoxoxo
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Love...
What is love... who really knows.. i thought i knew once, but now i am faced with the same question...???
the man i was in love with 2 years ago, has come back into my life again.. but i am not sure if im ready to love him again.. it is hard because everytime i look at him i see him as my boyfriend not as my friend, dnt get me wrong i do love him, but i am at a place in my life where i need to focus on my life and school, trying to get a job and better my life...
does this mean that i brush off the love or do i pursue it.. hmm that is the question..
i mean we have talked so much and we both kno wat we want, but i am jsut not sure if im ready to let someone in again, i mean he is an amazing guy but im just not sure if we can experience the same things again.. we have alot to work on, like being friends... but how do u be friends with someone who was ur lover at one point, can u really go from lovers to friends.. i mean it is that way because we never were friends before..... how do u be friends...
we have done coffee a few times, but i mean when we are together its like we never broke up...
when i look at him i see someone that i love and care about deeply, but then when i sit alone at home i think of all the times we had i mean there are more bad times then good, but that is wat a relationship is all about and i mean those things we all in the past.. this is now the future...
i am willing to try and look past all those bad and good things and try and work on this friendship, but i mean friendship is friendship...
i love being around him, its like when we are together nothing else matters and we can just talk and be ourselves together, that is to me wat friends should b..
i mean when he leaves its like a part of me is gone, sounds strange but that is wat happens to me, i mean when i found out that he was back all i felt were butterflies.. i couldnt stop smiling, wat does that really mean?? i dnt kno, like he was gone for 2 years.... how could someone who caused so much hurt have such an effect on someone... someone please tell me...
i have listened to soo many friends on the situation and the bottom line is that it is my decision and it is watever i feel in my heart to do and to b completely honest with everyone, i am makin the decision to b friends and friends only for right now, because i am at a point in my life where i need to b free and single, and if he wants to b with me and if he is willing to wait for me then that is his choice, but i feel that in my heart he is willing to wait.. but only time will tell if he is true and wants to b in my life again then only time will tell wat the future holds!!
i feel i can write much much more but need to shower....lol
may be back later to post more...
xo
ox
xo
the man i was in love with 2 years ago, has come back into my life again.. but i am not sure if im ready to love him again.. it is hard because everytime i look at him i see him as my boyfriend not as my friend, dnt get me wrong i do love him, but i am at a place in my life where i need to focus on my life and school, trying to get a job and better my life...
does this mean that i brush off the love or do i pursue it.. hmm that is the question..
i mean we have talked so much and we both kno wat we want, but i am jsut not sure if im ready to let someone in again, i mean he is an amazing guy but im just not sure if we can experience the same things again.. we have alot to work on, like being friends... but how do u be friends with someone who was ur lover at one point, can u really go from lovers to friends.. i mean it is that way because we never were friends before..... how do u be friends...
we have done coffee a few times, but i mean when we are together its like we never broke up...
when i look at him i see someone that i love and care about deeply, but then when i sit alone at home i think of all the times we had i mean there are more bad times then good, but that is wat a relationship is all about and i mean those things we all in the past.. this is now the future...
i am willing to try and look past all those bad and good things and try and work on this friendship, but i mean friendship is friendship...
i love being around him, its like when we are together nothing else matters and we can just talk and be ourselves together, that is to me wat friends should b..
i mean when he leaves its like a part of me is gone, sounds strange but that is wat happens to me, i mean when i found out that he was back all i felt were butterflies.. i couldnt stop smiling, wat does that really mean?? i dnt kno, like he was gone for 2 years.... how could someone who caused so much hurt have such an effect on someone... someone please tell me...
i have listened to soo many friends on the situation and the bottom line is that it is my decision and it is watever i feel in my heart to do and to b completely honest with everyone, i am makin the decision to b friends and friends only for right now, because i am at a point in my life where i need to b free and single, and if he wants to b with me and if he is willing to wait for me then that is his choice, but i feel that in my heart he is willing to wait.. but only time will tell if he is true and wants to b in my life again then only time will tell wat the future holds!!
i feel i can write much much more but need to shower....lol
may be back later to post more...
xo
ox
xo
School
School
Hmm.. where to start, well its been 3 long hard years!!! I have finally made the decision to go back to school, although it isnt full time, i am doing it part time. The course is called Sterile Supply Processing. Im so anxious to start: today i went to register for school, and i needed to apply for bursaries. i went to the office only to find out that i needed to fill out a letter, so instead of coming back. i wrote the letter..... i am so excited to start school. never been this excited for something in my whole entire life..
im now also gonna start lookin for jobs in the field, so i can b prepared for the future...
well keep everyone updated on my progress....
find out march 1st if i qualify for the bursary.. FINGERS CROSSED!!
xoxoxoxo
Hmm.. where to start, well its been 3 long hard years!!! I have finally made the decision to go back to school, although it isnt full time, i am doing it part time. The course is called Sterile Supply Processing. Im so anxious to start: today i went to register for school, and i needed to apply for bursaries. i went to the office only to find out that i needed to fill out a letter, so instead of coming back. i wrote the letter..... i am so excited to start school. never been this excited for something in my whole entire life..
im now also gonna start lookin for jobs in the field, so i can b prepared for the future...
well keep everyone updated on my progress....
find out march 1st if i qualify for the bursary.. FINGERS CROSSED!!
xoxoxoxo
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