well here goes again
i currently hate my life as of right now.. i have no job, i still live at home, and my brother has my mom wrapped around his little finger...
as for no job, that is kinda my choice.. but once im back from my vacation i will b looking for a job..... but really sure yet what i wanna do, but it will b something fun!!!
living at home is good, i have no rent to pay but i still have to pay some bills and i have to buy food.... but my mom n i are always fighting lately.. and then is where the second part comes in.. adrian which is my brother has my mom wrapped around his little finger.. he wants money he gets it, he wants the car he gets it!! like how is that fair!!!
that was all i had to say!!
just needed to vent for a bit
xo
ox
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
July 25th, 2009
DTP REUNITES FOR A 7 YEAR CELEBRATION!! YES U HEARD 7 YEARS!!
me n my girl have been besties for 7 years, thats a long time, but u know wat we have been thru hell n back a hundred times b4 but now we are gettin older things dnt seem to bother us anymore... we have really grown n changed over the years, we dnt fight about petty stuff anymore, we only fight when somethings really bothering or irritating the other person..
i cant wait to celebrate the big day... its going to b so much fun!! i cant wait to take pics, and just chill and hang out again... the best part of our friendship is that we can talk and just chill and not even talk n things are still good between us...
i love this girl to death for life for keeps
xo
ox
me n my girl have been besties for 7 years, thats a long time, but u know wat we have been thru hell n back a hundred times b4 but now we are gettin older things dnt seem to bother us anymore... we have really grown n changed over the years, we dnt fight about petty stuff anymore, we only fight when somethings really bothering or irritating the other person..
i cant wait to celebrate the big day... its going to b so much fun!! i cant wait to take pics, and just chill and hang out again... the best part of our friendship is that we can talk and just chill and not even talk n things are still good between us...
i love this girl to death for life for keeps
xo
ox
July 30th, 2009
July 30th, 2009
that day is gonna b the best freakin day of the year..!! why u are probably askin.. lol..
that is because it is my best friends birthday..
i cant wait.. just to see her face when she opens the gifts and i get to take pics!
we are going to dinner at Swiss Chalet.. and we are going to have so much fun.. i cant wait to give her, her gifts i have been planning the gifts for a while now.. just gotta get them into action!!
i really hope she enjoys her day,which im sure she will!!
xo
ox
that day is gonna b the best freakin day of the year..!! why u are probably askin.. lol..
that is because it is my best friends birthday..
i cant wait.. just to see her face when she opens the gifts and i get to take pics!
we are going to dinner at Swiss Chalet.. and we are going to have so much fun.. i cant wait to give her, her gifts i have been planning the gifts for a while now.. just gotta get them into action!!
i really hope she enjoys her day,which im sure she will!!
xo
ox
D-Man
well well, it has been a while since i have written a blog, but now that i cant sleep, i feel that i need to express my feelings about a certain someone in my life...
well first of all.. we have been talkin for quite sometime.. i feel extremely comfortable about talkin to him, and sharing my thoughts with him.. he doesnt judge me.. he just listens and observes.. he is so intelligent and smart..
i really enjoy talkin to him, he is so nice and caring.. tonight was the night that he got to see me on cam, i was unsure n a lil aprehensive about the whole thing, but then i said to hell with wat i think, im just gonna go for it n do it..
we have alot in common n we can talk about basically everything.. i have learned alot about him and im sure he has done the same when it comes to me.. i feel really happy when im talkin to him..
i would love to be able to kiss him, and hug him, but that will come with time.. he is always on my mind, and i miss him when we dnt talk.. lol.. sounds lame but its true!
i am so glad that we started talkin and now all that is left to do is meet him and see where things go, but i am sure things will go fine cus the feelings are mutual between us...
lastly i can say that this guy has stolen my heart and i hope i feel this way always!!
xo
love u babe
well first of all.. we have been talkin for quite sometime.. i feel extremely comfortable about talkin to him, and sharing my thoughts with him.. he doesnt judge me.. he just listens and observes.. he is so intelligent and smart..
i really enjoy talkin to him, he is so nice and caring.. tonight was the night that he got to see me on cam, i was unsure n a lil aprehensive about the whole thing, but then i said to hell with wat i think, im just gonna go for it n do it..
we have alot in common n we can talk about basically everything.. i have learned alot about him and im sure he has done the same when it comes to me.. i feel really happy when im talkin to him..
i would love to be able to kiss him, and hug him, but that will come with time.. he is always on my mind, and i miss him when we dnt talk.. lol.. sounds lame but its true!
i am so glad that we started talkin and now all that is left to do is meet him and see where things go, but i am sure things will go fine cus the feelings are mutual between us...
lastly i can say that this guy has stolen my heart and i hope i feel this way always!!
xo
love u babe
Thursday, June 11, 2009
well.. im not really sure what to say about myself right now... im sitting here cryin.. i think its because i have finally realised what everyone has been saying about me.. that yes i am a failure.. all i do these days is sit at home and do nothing.. yes thats right nothing.. well atleast u would think i would be out looking for a job, but no thats not me.. im at home lazy.. im tryin to start eating healthy, but thats not really workin out the greatest for me.. im just gaining all this weight... like come on i was 164 a few months ago...and now ive gained like 10lbs.. like seriously... what the hell.. thats alot.. i mean its not like its only 2lbs its a whole 10lbs.. i need some sort of motivation...but what is there to motivate me, absolutely nothing.. no one.... no one wants to come walking with me.... or even go to the gym... i guess ill just have to gain more and more weight for someone to say "hey ill go walking with u.. or ill go with u to the gym..".. but i guess some ppl can say its all done to u, yes me.. not anyone else.. cus only u can make the change.. or be willing to make the change.. not anyone but u.. im not really sure what to do... i wish i didnt have this problem.. wish i was like a size 7 or maybe a size 9... like i mean im a freakin size 15-16... like thats a big difference...
i guess right now im at a fork in the road.. i have no job, no real plan as to what im going to with my life.. i need to figure these things out.... i mean i have like the rest of my life to figure some of this stuff out.. but i mean.. some ppl dnt wanna b around someone who has no direction in their life.. like common only ppl who know what they want in life really get somewhere and have all that they want.... they have success family and ppl who care for them n love them.... i mean yes dnt get me wrong ppl love me n care about me... but the ppl who matter the most... who shall remain nameless... have never once said the encouraging things they should to help motivate me or help me in any way to better myself... so now i believe that it is my turn to do things for myself.. i mean look at me.. i have been living alone for the past 3 months i mean ya it sounds great but believe me.. it does get lonely.. but i have been budgeting and also buyin my own groceries which is the thing to do when u dnt pay rent.. at least u can buy ur own food.. at least contribute that way..
i guess if u are still reading this.. u have probably come to the conclusion that yes i am a little depressed maybe not a little in some ppls minds maybe they think i am depressed.. but hey who cares.. tomorrow is a new day and all i can do is try and move forward and see what happens.. maybe look for a job, go for a walk, make something healthy.. my next project is to make a list of my goals.. and have a certain date.. and see which goals i can accomplish b4 that date..
im going now... feeling a little better but still hurting....
bye for now
xo
i guess right now im at a fork in the road.. i have no job, no real plan as to what im going to with my life.. i need to figure these things out.... i mean i have like the rest of my life to figure some of this stuff out.. but i mean.. some ppl dnt wanna b around someone who has no direction in their life.. like common only ppl who know what they want in life really get somewhere and have all that they want.... they have success family and ppl who care for them n love them.... i mean yes dnt get me wrong ppl love me n care about me... but the ppl who matter the most... who shall remain nameless... have never once said the encouraging things they should to help motivate me or help me in any way to better myself... so now i believe that it is my turn to do things for myself.. i mean look at me.. i have been living alone for the past 3 months i mean ya it sounds great but believe me.. it does get lonely.. but i have been budgeting and also buyin my own groceries which is the thing to do when u dnt pay rent.. at least u can buy ur own food.. at least contribute that way..
i guess if u are still reading this.. u have probably come to the conclusion that yes i am a little depressed maybe not a little in some ppls minds maybe they think i am depressed.. but hey who cares.. tomorrow is a new day and all i can do is try and move forward and see what happens.. maybe look for a job, go for a walk, make something healthy.. my next project is to make a list of my goals.. and have a certain date.. and see which goals i can accomplish b4 that date..
im going now... feeling a little better but still hurting....
bye for now
xo
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
so my day today turned out to be going great,except for when i went to my dads.. i got no kiss or hug goodbye... well kinda made me feel unwanted... but i guess i should feel that by now.. or atleast know what it feels like... on the drive home..there was a big dicussion about jobs and working well since im not working at the moment i got told that "i dnt wanna work, dnt want a job..and that im a failure".. like jeez.. what a way to put someone down... makes me feel unwanted and like im not good enough..
im sure one day i will find a job, but at the moment im content with not workin.. although it is kinda boring i enjoy sleeping in and going to bed late...i can also catch up on my reading... i am trying to read more books now since i have all the time in the world to read and expand my vocabulary..
i also really should start figuring my life out and figure out what i want to do as a career.. i failed college... so im not really sure what there is left for me to do in this world.. im not a really talented person..
i feel that i am slightly depressed at times.. cus im not really doing nothing with my life.. i often cry myself to sleep at night thinking of what i have become...
in the fall of november 2007 i was hit by a car.. i suffered some injuries.. and i am currently going thru pyhsiotherapy and also i am starting to go to a gym.. but i am always suffering with pain..
i feel that being in this accident has changed my perspective on life and i feel that it has mmade me less motivated and i dnt think i have the confidence i had before this all happened to me..
i wish it never happened to me.. it limits me as to what i can and cant do.. which really sucks.. i feel like i am a prison sometimes.. i cant do the same things i use to do before the accident.. it has completely changed me.. i just wanna be the same person again.. i dnt wanna b a nobody...
anyways im out for now
xo
im sure one day i will find a job, but at the moment im content with not workin.. although it is kinda boring i enjoy sleeping in and going to bed late...i can also catch up on my reading... i am trying to read more books now since i have all the time in the world to read and expand my vocabulary..
i also really should start figuring my life out and figure out what i want to do as a career.. i failed college... so im not really sure what there is left for me to do in this world.. im not a really talented person..
i feel that i am slightly depressed at times.. cus im not really doing nothing with my life.. i often cry myself to sleep at night thinking of what i have become...
in the fall of november 2007 i was hit by a car.. i suffered some injuries.. and i am currently going thru pyhsiotherapy and also i am starting to go to a gym.. but i am always suffering with pain..
i feel that being in this accident has changed my perspective on life and i feel that it has mmade me less motivated and i dnt think i have the confidence i had before this all happened to me..
i wish it never happened to me.. it limits me as to what i can and cant do.. which really sucks.. i feel like i am a prison sometimes.. i cant do the same things i use to do before the accident.. it has completely changed me.. i just wanna be the same person again.. i dnt wanna b a nobody...
anyways im out for now
xo
cant sleep
cant sleep... grr... i took my meds... and i still cant freakin sleep..... guess im not tired...
guess ill b sleepin til like 3 tomorrow...lol... bahahahahaha
guess ill b sleepin til like 3 tomorrow...lol... bahahahahaha
Monday, June 8, 2009
LOVE
love is just a word.. to some.. but to me it is a feeling that u can share with anyone, not just a a significant other, u can share with a family member,a friend or even a pet..
love is defined as follows...
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
i have personally only been in love once..
i experienced the feeling of love for only a short period of time.. it was 7 months...even though it was a short period of time.. it was the best n worst time... i met the guy thru a friend..and i thought he was the man of my dreams... we started dating on the 10th of July '07... it lasted til 10th of February '08...
we hung out alot in the beginning.. we went on dates the usually boyfriend and girlfriend stuff..
he was a framer... i was just a cashier... we were two diff ppl... i realised that near the end of the relationship... we lived together for short period of time.. but that was were things started going down hill....he was working more and we constantly fought... i mean we both loved each other alot, but he was just working alot and we sometimes clashed...
i do realise now that we just werent meant to be.. i think after u experience love and u get ur heart broken, u dnt want to ever feel that way again... at least i know that i dnt ever wanna feel that way again...
he hurt me alot, we fought everyday towards the end of relationship.. in the beginning, it was kisses, dinners out, coffee, flowers.. the normal boyfriend gestures.. near the end it was just about the sex.. i mean in the beginning of the realtionship the sex was awesome.. but near the end that was all he wanted.. i felt like a thick piece of meat!!!
all im tryin to say is that, ppl may experience many loves in there life, some many always have there hearts broken, others may meet the man of there dreams in highschool get married and all that jazz...
"it is better to of loved and lost then to never of loved at all"!!!
love is defined as follows...
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
i have personally only been in love once..
i experienced the feeling of love for only a short period of time.. it was 7 months...even though it was a short period of time.. it was the best n worst time... i met the guy thru a friend..and i thought he was the man of my dreams... we started dating on the 10th of July '07... it lasted til 10th of February '08...
we hung out alot in the beginning.. we went on dates the usually boyfriend and girlfriend stuff..
he was a framer... i was just a cashier... we were two diff ppl... i realised that near the end of the relationship... we lived together for short period of time.. but that was were things started going down hill....he was working more and we constantly fought... i mean we both loved each other alot, but he was just working alot and we sometimes clashed...
i do realise now that we just werent meant to be.. i think after u experience love and u get ur heart broken, u dnt want to ever feel that way again... at least i know that i dnt ever wanna feel that way again...
he hurt me alot, we fought everyday towards the end of relationship.. in the beginning, it was kisses, dinners out, coffee, flowers.. the normal boyfriend gestures.. near the end it was just about the sex.. i mean in the beginning of the realtionship the sex was awesome.. but near the end that was all he wanted.. i felt like a thick piece of meat!!!
all im tryin to say is that, ppl may experience many loves in there life, some many always have there hearts broken, others may meet the man of there dreams in highschool get married and all that jazz...
"it is better to of loved and lost then to never of loved at all"!!!
CHOCOLATE STAR MY #1 BESTIE
chocolate star is one of the most amazing people u will ever meet... if u ever have the chance to meet her she will blow ur mind away!! she always tells u the truth, she never sugar coats things... we have known each other for almost 7 years...
it all started in the summer of 2003, we met at summer school... we instantly connected.. some ppl think that we are married the way we act in public, but thats all down to me.. i have to be in charge.. im the more dominat one.. she is more shy n quite..
chocolate star and i have been thru thick and thin.. she is the one and only person i can confide certain aspects of my life to, not everyone in my life is able to know those thoughts...
she knows about all my loves, lovers, my one night stands,and my true loves..
she is the one person i ask if she approves of my bf's or even potential guys..
chocolate star and i are like sisters, i know her family and she knows mine....
we dnt see each others families often but when we do its like we click..
her sisters are amazing, they are each diff and unique they each have there own sense of style & swagga....
chocolate star and i have planned our lives for each other when we were in highschool, we planned to marry brothers or twins so we would b sisters and we would live in houses next to each other and we would have white picket fences and a playground in the back yard for our kids
when i get married she will b my maid of honour
when i have kids she will b there godmother
if i die b4 she does and we arent married with families she will b the beneficiery
when were in highschool we were insperable.. when u saw me u seen her on my arm or next to me.. we had these books that we kept writing in for 4 or 5 years that we were in highschool.. those books had secrets in them,plans for weekend adventures.. movie dates and plans to sneek out together...
since we are older now.. we have moved into something more 21st century... that is scrapbookin... well for my 21st birthday i recieved a scrapbook..made especially for me it had all these pics of us in it and also filled with memories!! it was well planned and it was the most beautifulest thing i have ever gotten from someone b4...
i made her one for her 21st birthday.. it was made with love and thoughtfulness.. i loved every minute of workin on it.. she is my number one best friend..
we also have these names that we created in highschool.. its from a famous song..sung by the famous BIG... JUICY...
I am ~*~CREAMZ & she is CHOCOLATE STAR.....
we also have a song.... its ONE CALL AWAY by CHINGY
duno why that particular song.. i think its cus even tho we live so close, she is only one call away from me... i can call her anytime to talk about anything...
i think i have said all i can say about my BEST FRIEND CHOCOLATE STAR...
she is my NUMBER ONE AND MY ONE && ONLY..
I LOVE HER TIL THE END TIL DEATH DO US PART...
I LOVE U CHOCOLATE STAR!!
it all started in the summer of 2003, we met at summer school... we instantly connected.. some ppl think that we are married the way we act in public, but thats all down to me.. i have to be in charge.. im the more dominat one.. she is more shy n quite..
chocolate star and i have been thru thick and thin.. she is the one and only person i can confide certain aspects of my life to, not everyone in my life is able to know those thoughts...
she knows about all my loves, lovers, my one night stands,and my true loves..
she is the one person i ask if she approves of my bf's or even potential guys..
chocolate star and i are like sisters, i know her family and she knows mine....
we dnt see each others families often but when we do its like we click..
her sisters are amazing, they are each diff and unique they each have there own sense of style & swagga....
chocolate star and i have planned our lives for each other when we were in highschool, we planned to marry brothers or twins so we would b sisters and we would live in houses next to each other and we would have white picket fences and a playground in the back yard for our kids
when i get married she will b my maid of honour
when i have kids she will b there godmother
if i die b4 she does and we arent married with families she will b the beneficiery
when were in highschool we were insperable.. when u saw me u seen her on my arm or next to me.. we had these books that we kept writing in for 4 or 5 years that we were in highschool.. those books had secrets in them,plans for weekend adventures.. movie dates and plans to sneek out together...
since we are older now.. we have moved into something more 21st century... that is scrapbookin... well for my 21st birthday i recieved a scrapbook..made especially for me it had all these pics of us in it and also filled with memories!! it was well planned and it was the most beautifulest thing i have ever gotten from someone b4...
i made her one for her 21st birthday.. it was made with love and thoughtfulness.. i loved every minute of workin on it.. she is my number one best friend..
we also have these names that we created in highschool.. its from a famous song..sung by the famous BIG... JUICY...
I am ~*~CREAMZ & she is CHOCOLATE STAR.....
we also have a song.... its ONE CALL AWAY by CHINGY
duno why that particular song.. i think its cus even tho we live so close, she is only one call away from me... i can call her anytime to talk about anything...
i think i have said all i can say about my BEST FRIEND CHOCOLATE STAR...
she is my NUMBER ONE AND MY ONE && ONLY..
I LOVE HER TIL THE END TIL DEATH DO US PART...
I LOVE U CHOCOLATE STAR!!
Kaity
Kaity...
She is 22 yrs old, she is a gorgeous girl who i absolutely adore...
she is fun,bubbly has a great personality, an amazing drunk!!!
we have loads in common...
we love playin cards together,drinkin together..
we share secrets
we have only known each other for a year but it seems like a life time...
I LOVER YOU KAITY!!
She is 22 yrs old, she is a gorgeous girl who i absolutely adore...
she is fun,bubbly has a great personality, an amazing drunk!!!
we have loads in common...
we love playin cards together,drinkin together..
we share secrets
we have only known each other for a year but it seems like a life time...
I LOVER YOU KAITY!!
Keith Urban Concert
I am going to see KEITH URBAN ON OCT 3rd!!
YAYAYAYY
i cant wait.. im going to see it with my best friend Kaity and one of her friends...
its going to be an amazing concert....
YAYAYAYY
i cant wait.. im going to see it with my best friend Kaity and one of her friends...
its going to be an amazing concert....
My Day Today..
well as i dnt work right now i am tending to sleep in late..i slept today til one... then i got up watched some tv... then went out for a bit.. nothing too special but what else is there to do..
i guess u can say there is alot to do when u arent workin....
i guess u can say there is alot to do when u arent workin....
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